Friday, December 27, 2013

Remember Your Past - Honor your ancestors

I don't drink - this is the closest I get to
'pouring out my liquor' for my father!
I have a lot of Aunts and Uncles and unfortunately, I only have a few left.  On December 26, 2013, I took a small trip to the Madronia Cemetary in Saratoga, CA and visited my father and the rest of his family.

My father passed away 9 years ago from Leukemia.  It was a very fast passing and we only had 2 months of time with him before he left us.  To this day, there are many things I wish I could have done differently to be more present to him.  I wasn't a good son.  The internal struggle between being selfish and not wanting to see someone waste away and the side of me that wanted to be a good son and remain present in the moment to witness his passing - a terrible thing for me to fester with these past 9 years.  He was a good man.  He deserved better than me.

So each year, I bring him his cigarettes and a coca-cola - his favorite.  I stay and I talk with him a bit and fill him in on what is new.  I believe my father can hear me no matter where I talk with him, but I think this makes me feel better to be as present to his lifeless body as one can be.

Below are some pictures I took to help me remember my past and to enjoy my present.









4 comments:

  1. Bill..you weer and still are a good son. You weer there. Many people dont even do that. I understand that internal struggle, I felt it too. I keep thinking about how my dad was in the months before he was diagnosed and wonder why I didnt pick up on his odd behavior before. You cant make yourself feel guilty, there is nothing to be guilty for. You loved him, you were there for him, and you honor his memory. You should be proud of that. Love you. <3

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  2. Thank you - The time between diagnosis and death was fast and even into December, I was still in shock - he was a good man and I know that his spirit still exists somewhere and watches down upon us all.

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  3. Similar to my dad..3 months, diagnosed at Christmastime..shock, numbness, yeah I had all that, still do off and on since we havent hit a year yet. I know that was was a good man because look at who he raised...YOU, and you are a wonderful son, husband, father and friend. His spirit lives in you. :)

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  4. Bill, we all have regrets about different things. We learn from them and then we move forward stronger for the experience and knowledge. Your father must be very proud of the person you have grown into through the years. You are a wonderful man, husband, father, son, cousin, and all other relationships you fill in your life. He must be beaming. Love to you and your awesome family.

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